Laid off at 51, picked up at 53: Eager to be a full-time journalist again

First off, I should apologize for writing so much. But I've been carving today's tome since yesterday.

Late last week, part of me was dreading the Monday ahead. It had the potential to be a tough day.

It was, after all, the second day of yet another month — in fact, 19 in all since the start of one of the toughest personal challenges I have ever faced. The second of each month has come as an increasingly bitter milestone of sorts. Some have been harder than others; some have slipped past with little fanfare.

A Christmas wish

A message to my family, near and far,
friends, colleagues and former co-workers

The past 12 months have been tough, in many ways far tougher than I would have imagined. Yet, through it all, there have been some very good, joy-filled moments that have lifted me up in the times I have struggled most with despair.

That is the spirit of Christmas, as I mentioned in my post a week ago. The spirit of Christmas comes in a savior, Jesus Christ, who made such a great sacrifice for one like me who, in spite of the good I try to achieve, ultimately is undeserving of His grace, His love and the sacrifices he made to offer each one of us redemption.

It is in that spirit which I write today, for so many of you have blessed me in ways I do not deserve.

2011's been a turkey, but ...

Still thankful, despite job status

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A year ago, I was thanking God that I had escaped yet another brutal round of layoffs as Sun-Times Media continued the draconian downsizing which I ultimately believe will prove fatal — if not to the entire company, then at least to its neglected suburban holdings.

Down but not out

When I was laid off in December, I was devastated — I felt a combination of hurt and betrayal that a company I had worked for loyally for 16 years had dropped me, with little more than a short “thanks but we don’t need you anymore” and a couple of boxes into which I could unceremoniously cast my belongings.

The loss of daily contact with my friends and colleagues — who for five days a week had been my social circle — hurt like hell as well. But the greatest pain was the sense that I had failed my wife, my kids, myself, and a career I’ve loved since I began a little more than 27 years ago.

Good news amid Sun-Times’ bad

New opportunities, more Sun-Times layoffs

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As much as everyone’s complained about all the thunderstorms this summer, I’ve enjoyed them — the sound of rain and thunder, the brilliant flash of lightning. It helps me sleep better.

But professionally speaking, I’ve been going through a dry spell of late, even though there have been some good things mixed in with that.

Sinking feeling for Sun-Times

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It’s difficult to express the range of emotions I’ve experienced and continue to feel surrounding my former employer since I was laid off seven months ago. Largely, they centered on grief, which in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross spelled out as five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Blood spills at Sun-Times Media

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Instruments of death continue to let blood at Sun-Times Media, whose newsrooms are thinning as much from staff cuts as they are from the flight of those able to move on before their jobs are cut.

Those who leave rarely are replaced.

Depression: Painful part of fight

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I last wrote about working through change and how I’m learning new lessons about time and patience.

Change is messy and can be painful. One result of that pain can be depression, a curse I think almost everyone faces from time to time, especially during loss or struggle. But for those who become discouraged during a prolonged effort or who are prone to focus on their own shortcomings, it can last a lifetime.

So it has been with me.

Hoping for light at end of tunnel

There have been some recent developments I find encouraging after nearly six months on the unemployment, although I’ve had one part-time digital reporting job at BocaJump.com since January.

I have been particularly grateful for that one as it allowed me to work again with Mike Bailey, a great newsman and former managing editor of The Courier-News in Elgin, Ill., my hometown. I grew up reading The Courier, The Chicago Tribune, and for a while, the Chicago Daily News, which my Dad subscribed to until it folded in March 1978, nearly a year after I’d graduated high school.

Time out for thanks: Back to (part-time) work

This journey into what for me has been the uncharted waters of unemployment has not been without its shares of heartache and disappointment, the most recent of which has been a case of the shingles I wrote about earlier this week.

But as I also pointed out earlier this week, there have been some very positive developments along the way as well, as well as one particularly amusing one (see the short sidebar at the end of this posting).

And of course one of the greatest blessings to come out of this has been the words of encouragement I have received from people of all walks of life and from all over the country. Some I have known in person, others I have come to know through their blogs or their tweets.

But today I am particularly reveling in the joys of friendships built over the years as a part of my career. Of the many phone calls I made or received after I was laid off by Sun-Times Media on Dec. 2, two stand out at the moment.